tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-49610928383629277762024-03-13T09:44:55.141-07:00Ducks in RowsAEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-1318829031707707392018-09-19T13:28:00.003-07:002018-09-19T13:28:58.744-07:00New Look and New Blog LocationNow you'll find my law blog at:<br />
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<a href="http://www.amykennedylaw.com/" target="_blank">Amy Kennedy - Family Lawyer</a><br />
<br />AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-85177767373450260732018-08-09T13:45:00.000-07:002018-08-09T16:22:39.602-07:00Children and Divorce: Reflections, Resources, and a Book Review<div style="margin-bottom: 8.0pt; margin-left: 1.0in; margin-right: 45.0pt; margin-top: 0in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: small; text-indent: -24px;"> </span><span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -24px;">I am a little late to the game in reading the <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/26828169-the-neapolitan-novels" target="_blank">Neapolitan Novels</a> by Elena Ferrante. Last night (more correctly early this morning), I was finishing the third book in the series of four, <i>Those Who Leave and Those Who Stay</i>. The stories and characters are captivating and all the accolades Ferrante has received for these novels are well deserved. If you have not yet, go read them. Now.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal; text-indent: -24px;"> <u> Spoiler Alert</u>: Near the end of book three, the marriage of the narrator is breaking up. The heartbreak, confusion, and anger of the spouse leaving the marriage are honestly portrayed by Ferrante. What was also realistically depicted are the reactions of the spouse who did not initiate the separation, from the understandable anguish and unforgivable behavior stemming from it to the other’s spouse’s escalating and emotional reaction to it. </span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal; text-indent: -24px;"> Without giving too much away, let’s just say that neither character handled the situation well and they placed their children right in the center of their conflict. A hallmark of a good book, I am still angry at these fictional characters for acting this way and for how they treated their children. I cannot wait to dive into the final book not only to see how the series ends but also to find out how the children are doing.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal; text-indent: -24px;"> Sadly, this was art imitating life and is something I see in the families of many of my clients who are divorcing. Anger is understandable and likely unavoidable but how you deal with it makes all the difference. A good therapist is an excellent resource to navigate the emotions of separation and divorce, especially where children are concerned. The <a href="http://www.aaml.org/" target="_blank">American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers</a> has two great resources I like to share with my clients:</span></span></h2>
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<li><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-stretch: normal; line-height: normal; text-indent: -24px;">S</span><span style="text-indent: -24px;">tepping Back From Anger: Protecting Children During Divorce, and</span></span></li>
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<li><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">What Should We Tell the Children: A Parent’s Guide for Talking About Separation and Divorce.</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: large; text-indent: -24px;"> <span style="font-weight: normal;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;"> <span style="font-weight: normal;"> I will write later to share my impressions on the final book, </span></span></span></span><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><i style="text-indent: -24px;">The Story of the Lost Child</i><span style="text-indent: -24px;">. In the meantime, feel free to share what helped you or someone you know to make the divorce process easier for the children involved.</span></span></h2>
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AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-19719336819577879772018-08-03T10:24:00.000-07:002018-08-09T16:16:49.818-07:00A Few Words on the Practice of Family Law<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: medium;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"> </span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;">The weekly newsletter of the <a href="http://www.aaml.org/" target="_blank">American Academy ofMatrimonial Lawyers</a> (AAML) contains a professionalism tip and here is this
week’s offering:</span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></span><blockquote class="tr_bq">
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;">Before you speak, let your words pass through
three gates:</span><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;">"Is it
true?" "Is it necessary?" "Is it kind?"</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"> This tip could well be the mantra of
my practice style. I learned early on in
my legal career that s</span><span style="line-height: 107%;">omeone has to hear what you say in court or read what you write
in correspondence or a legal brief. That
someone will likely be a person with whom my client will have some sort of ongoing
relationship.</span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="line-height: 107%;"><br /><o:p></o:p></span></span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;"> Over 20 years later, I still vividly
remember my first trial. I was only a year
out of law school and second-chairing a custody trial. My work was mostly behind the scenes and I learned
valuable trial preparation skills, but the lasting lesson
came in the courtroom. All witnesses had
testified and closing statements had been made as the noon hour approached. The judge took an hour and a half recess and
we came back expecting to address any lingering issues and be told the judge
would be taking the matter under advisement (legalese for taking a few days to further
consider the case and rule). Instead, as
we entered the courtroom the clerk asked if we wanted to order the video now –
court reporters were mostly a thing of the past in Utah by the late 1990’s –
because the judge would be ruling from the bench.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;"> The judge’s findings of fact were
detailed and specific as he laid out the legal basis for why he was changing
custody. The lawyers had quickly figured
out where the judge was going with his findings. As soon as it dawned on our client he would prevail,
he grabbed my hand and squeezed it hard.
While the crushing grip smarted, what pained me most were the sobs
coming from the other parent as she, too, began to realize what was
happening. The court’s ruling served the
best interests of the children and the facts as the judge bluntly recounted them
were correct but I knew this was a blow
for the other parent to hear. I still wonder what impact those harsh words
directed at one only parent had on the entire family.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;"> The lasting lesson for me has been to
treat opponents with kindness and respect and, to borrow from my friends in the
medical profession, to do no harm. Words
have the power to persuade but also the power to wound; they are to be used
with care and caution. The reality is
that sometimes, as in my first trial, harsh or unflattering facts are relevant
and need be brought up. Before going
down that road, I ask, "Is it true?" "Is it relevant?"
"Is it helpful?" You do not
win cases by embarrassing your opponent.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 107%;"> Prospective clients will sometimes ask
my assistant or me if I am “aggressive.”
Our response is that I am <i>effective</i>. I may be nice but I get the job done. I have never been one for courtroom theatrics:
it is not my style, it is ineffective, and judges hate it. There are the attorneys out there who confuse
putting on an insult-filled show with advocacy, but I am not one of them. My clients </span></span><span style="line-height: 107%;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">hire me to help
solve problems, not to make them worse; they see the value of going high when
others go low. If someone wants a “paid
hater” or someone who views civility as a weakness, there are plenty of
attorneys out there happy to take the job.
Just not me. </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , serif; font-size: 14pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></span></h2>
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AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-76051260423405269382018-05-11T08:00:00.000-07:002018-08-06T11:03:39.040-07:00A Place for Your Stuff<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: justify;">
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Proving they were way more awesome than I appreciated at the time or quite possibly because since I was the youngest by 11 years they were beyond giving a hoot, my parents introduced me to George Carlin at a very young age. To their credit, the Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television were not introduced until well into my teen years. Finding the cassette tape of the <i>A Place for My Stuff</i> album in my stocking was one of the highlights of Christmas 1982 for me. I was not your typical 11-year old.</span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> A Place for My Stuff was one of my favorite Carlin bits and still is. It has withstood the test of time. It’s still hilarious and it remains an insightful commentary on our possessions - our stuff – and our relationship to it. It’s hard to part with stuff. It’s our stuff. We like our stuff, but other people’s stuff? Mr. Carlin addresses that best. At some point, we are all going to have to deal with our stuff and a lot of other people’s stuff, too.</span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Raised in the last years of the Great Depression and in post-war Europe, my dear in-laws could never quite embrace the concept of downsizing. They held on to most of the stuff acquired over their lifetimes and were quite content with it. Likely, the tumult of the times they lived through as children was soothed by the certainty they created in their adult lives with a home and possessions that remained constant. Their stuff provided comfort. Hip as they were to exposing young children to cutting edge comedy, my parents who are of the same generation as my in-laws, were not early adopters of downsizing. When they retired they same-sized: they moved to a new house of the same size as the one I grew up in. While they did clear out quite a bit in the moving process, they acquired more things and still had a house full of things they loved; theirs was a new house with more, but slightly different stuff. </span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Like many people my age, as our parents are aging and passing away, the prospect of sorting through their stuff - a lifetime of personal effects and a house (and an attic, and a garage, and a basement) full of items no one else may want or need - is daunting. And it makes you think about your own pile of stuff and who will be left to deal with it. Recognizing that in life there are equal and opposite overreactions, I am taking a hard look at my own stuff. I find myself asking if an item sparks joy or if it will fit in a shoebox when I am dead. I’m purging. My husband is afraid.</span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"> Mind you, I like my stuff. I will keep the stuff I truly love and use and I will surely acquire more stuff. My estate plan – with a 100% haunting guarantee to my nieces and nephews if they do not comply - comes with strict instructions for them to keep only what <i>they</i></span></span><i style="font-family: times, "times new roman", serif; font-size: x-large;"> </i><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">lo</span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">ve</span></span><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">, what reminds them of me, or what brings them joy. They are to donate what is useful, sell what they can, and pitch the rest. Bonfires are welcomed and encouraged. Ultimately, the place for a lot my stuff may be the proverbial trash heap and that’s okay. I was only the temporary owner of my stuff anyway.</span></h2>
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AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-20508484624971255042018-05-04T12:30:00.000-07:002018-08-03T10:42:45.019-07:00My advice: get advice and do things right the first time.<br />
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<span style="font-size: medium;"><i style="font-family: georgia, "times new roman", serif;">I</i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i> shared my article on LinkedIn a while back. </i><i>It's worth repeating.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;"> A</span></span><span style="font-family: inherit; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-size: large;"> growing trend in family law is to represent oneself. Recent statistics in Utah reveal that the vast majority of domestic relations cases filed are those where one or both parties are not represented by counsel (“pro se” is the legalese we use in Utah). I caution against going it alone, but not for the reasons you may think.</span><br /><div style="text-align: center;">
<i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Penny Wise and Pound Foolish?</span></i></div>
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</span><span style="font-size: large; font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I had a client many years ago who had done her own divorce with the fill-in-the-blank packet of forms provided by our courts at the time. The divorce itself was amicable and the parties wanted to save money. When things took a turn for the worse a few years later, the parties wound up dealing with additional problems because of how the divorce documents were drafted. My client was fond of quipping that the original divorce cost her $40 and the fix was $40,000. While the numbers weren’t that extreme, the point remains valid that in the end way more money was spent than saved.</span></span></h2>
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<i style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: x-large;">Better Safe Than Sorry</span></i></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> Court rules can be complex and confusing and even services designed for the self-represented are not the most user-friendly. Our court system can be unforgiving and once mistakes are made they may be extremely difficult or impossible to fix, not to mention the cost involved. I get it: attorneys can be expensive and when money is tight hiring a lawyer may seem like a luxury one cannot afford. The example above should be a cautionary tale to anyone who thinks they shouldn’t at least consult with a qualified attorney. My advice: get advice and do things right the first time.</span></span></span></h2>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">As an alternative to traditional representation, I consult with self-represented people on an hourly basis to advise on legal procedure, to review documents they have drafted with our Online Court Assistance Program (<a href="http://www.utcourts.gov/ocap" target="_blank">OCAP</a>), or to draft court documents after a successful mediation. This option is affordable for many and can avoid costly mistakes.</span></span></span></h2>
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AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4961092838362927776.post-67650288258183522582017-01-06T15:15:00.001-08:002018-08-09T13:53:39.089-07:00The Fine Print. <div style="font-size: 20px;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">As you may figure out from some of my posts, yes, I am a lawyer. And yes, I probably have already heard the joke you are about to tell.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">My musings in this blog are not legal advice to any man, woman or child in any way, shape or form. The same goes for animals, holograms, and imaginary friends. If you want legal advice, contact a lawyer. If you are interested in <i>my</i> legal advice on an estate planning or family matter in Utah, contact me <a href="mailto:akennedy@dadlaw.net" target="_blank">here</a> to arrange a consultation; this is the only way to become a client and/or receive legal advice from me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">If you want my advice on whether those pants make your butt look too big/too small/too whatever, I’m happy to weigh in on that issue.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">No specific clients or case facts are discussed here – ever – not even Dragnet style. My comments, personal opinions, and observations on law-related issues are based solely on my 20 years at this game.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>Disclaimer (aka Legalese)</b>: This Blog/Web Site is made available by the lawyer or law firm publisher for educational purposes only as well as to give you general information and a general understanding of the law, not to provide specific legal advice. By using this blog site you understand that there is no attorney-client relationship between you and the Blog/Web Site publisher. The Blog/Web Site should not be used as a substitute for competent legal advice from a licensed professional attorney in your state.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-family: ";"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: ";"><b>Copyright:</b> </span>© Amy Hayes Kennedy and Ducks in Rows, 2018. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of any material in this site without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Amy Hayes Kennedy and Ducks in Rows with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.</span><br />
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AEKSLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13752709157724405454noreply@blogger.com0